Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
