Only a mothe r could love this liver
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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