girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
