i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
