New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
