i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
