this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
