I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
