Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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