I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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