i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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