Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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