I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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