I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
