just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't notice because vodka
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
