I love black thongs
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
