saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
