I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
