We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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