Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
