and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
