he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
