It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
