i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
