I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Text me some of your sweat
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
