Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Got a toothbrush?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
