so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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