I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
