Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
