Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
