He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
