she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
