You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
