I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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