I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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