That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it glows. i had to have it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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