He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
