i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
