I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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