She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
