I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In other news, I just burned my penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
