i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I skipped work to stalk him.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
