I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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