Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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