Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
