I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
