Just fell off a train. Bad.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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