He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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