i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
