apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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