Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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