either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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