Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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