She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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