'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
