I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
