lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
