she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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