Me. At least after what I've been through.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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