Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
