He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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