yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dick has a subreddit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
