apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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