just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize