The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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