I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
