So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
