If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
