she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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