I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
