I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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