two words: eviction party
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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