Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
