i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im holly from the hills drunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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