We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The air was thick with penises
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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