I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
