My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
