So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
