I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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