Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
